Forgotten friends

[Pierre Tavlitzki]

You may be interested by the discussion I had this morning with a member of another network. It is directly related to communication within networks.

The question was :
ARE YOU MY FRIEND ?

I have 378 friends.
Am I the only one feeling the weight and noticing the dilution of our social networks?
I have no idea if you are my friend or if I am yours. I have no idea of what it all really means, but I will continue to accept all friend requests - and have added some myself. What are people’s expectations for the relationship? More importantly, do I have to do anything to nurture the relationship if I say yes to your friend request?
I need to be better at networking all around, so I suppose I’ll just have to put more effort into i, but can social networking lead to social action?
If not, if you feel you're not my friend, or you don't want to network - or connect to me at any time - you are free to delete me! I can't find people I'm looking for among all my (empty) connections.. Something tells me I’m not the only one feeling like this.
Thanks.

My reply was :
Re: Are you my friend? It's up to you to decide

Thanks for your very clear message.
I use the "Friend" function as a mailing list when I want to forward an information related to my area of interest which is .......... I use it around twice a month depending opportunities.
If it can help you, feel free to delete. It is so easy to recreate it afterwards in case of a new opportunity. My profile is linked in all ........... related groups on ........... network.
Best regards

I received the following message by return mail :
Thank you. I will look closer at your site soon. Looks interesting!

AND YOURSELF :
WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR REPLY TO THAT QUESTION ?
WHAT OPINION DO YOU HAVE ON THE FINAL ANSWER ?
DOES IT HELP YOU TO ANALYSE YOUR OWN BEHAVIOUR WITHIN NETWORKS ?

Note : I replace my interest by ........... in the text above. It is not to make a secret : you have all visibility on my profile page. It is for maintaining a general purpose to this new discussion.

Pierre

[Nascent Dynamics ( )]

Excellent again Pierre,

I too am a student of the social networking phenomena. Part of what I intend to do with Area Light is develop, implement, and achieve results through more intelligent networking solutions. Part of this has to do with the phenomena of collaboration. Take for example, wiki sites. There you have to have some agreement to contribute content and allow others to add to, edit, or even overwrite your work. The application features may be somewhat constructive in guiding participation to that end. However, my opinion is the full value can only be realized by developing a direct relationship with your user base, creating an understanding on how behaviors can make the difference in technology, and organizing within a shared vision.

I like how Ning allows you to make friends. Compare this to Facebook or LinkedIn where you essentially are supposed to know your contact and your associations are perhaps a reflection on who you are. Here you can make friends indiscriminantly. That has already been established. You can look into people before befriending them or connect without maybe even looking in to them. The primary difference is in what you do with your relationships. Mailing lists is one useful application.

I personally make friends with no obligations or expectations whatsoever. I think it is a friendly thing to do. I accept all friend requests and extend invitations to people I take an interest in. Consequentially, I especially take an interest in anyone who joins my network. I also tend to avoid mass messaging friends as a courtesy. However, I have excercised the option on a few occassions where I thought I had something worth the attention of anyone who knows me.

I would say to this discussion "friends" are what you make of them. Each individual friend may be worth meeting to find out expectations and nurture requirements on a case by case basis. I personally do not find this a feasible way to manage my time. I do on occasion reach out to individuals who reciprocate and in order to reciprocate attention.

On that note, I will be rolling out an Area Light wiki as part of my solution to this challenge and as a service to members of my network. I'm looking ahead to the dynamics of having so many people and interests represented. Ning is great for user interaction but not so great for managing content, creating easily accessible information by interest, nor listing out members and their social networking profiles.

"Empty Connections" sounds like a good coin for this friends phenomena. Other related terms might include "Dead Sites" and "Absent Profiles". I like to discuss the Pro's and Con's of Ning on our group "The Next Big Ning". I'm really glad you brought the subject up here in this group. the intention includes discussing what we want out of this community. For me, I certainly want fulfilling relationships, an active network, and engaged members.

Last note on use of your network names. I think how you omit those is a constructive approach to directing the conversation. I like to stand by the idea that you should do things with reason. This represents a skill set I think we are to acquire if we are to make best use of the technology. The skills can include courtesies such as not referencing your external sites/ interests. I think this depends on the respective network guidelines for whatever site you are a part of. On Area Light, you are more than welcome to represent your interests and sites. I am impressed by your consideration of audience, subject, and distractors in this case. I am not sure if there is a perfect Latin premise for "respect" but I would think well thought actions in a community can lead to social action- if at the least getting someone to look at you once or even twice.

Best,

Anthony